But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
