i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
