haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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