One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
