My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
