Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
