Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
