He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
