I will die if light touches me.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
