I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
