Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i think i have two assholes
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
