Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
