On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
