the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
