Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
