and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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