the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
