AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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