The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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