You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
