Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
