I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
