So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
