was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
