Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
