He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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