New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
