He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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