You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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