I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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