omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Randomize