You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Sober January is a disaster.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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