Don't you send me to vm
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
