so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Bring me that man meat
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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