its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Randomize
