MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
