Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
