a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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