apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
