how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
