I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize