how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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