All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
