im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm bleeding and have questions
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
