Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She's the barista slut.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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