This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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