felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
