if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
