omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
