im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
