was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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