I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize