just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
