Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
