my phone needs a breathalizer
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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