How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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