You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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