You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
