How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
