nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
