Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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