She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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