He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
