i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
