How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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