After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
