Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
