Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
